Do's and Don'ts

There’s a reason stereotypes will always exist. For one, they are usually fact 90% of the time. For two—when they do pull through, nothing makes for a better laugh. When we think of the Chinese in particular, one such stereotype comes to mind: the peace sign. Hippies love the peace sign because it means peace; the deep love Chinese people share towards the peace sign is akin to the way we cherish religion. It’s similar to a smile in America, no picture will suffice without one.

This brings me to my next point. I decided that most people who read this blog are looking for entertainment and knowledge, both of which I have proven to lack. However, I thought if I could compile a list of do’s and do not’s, this blog might miraculously become useful if anyone were to every venture off into this faraway land. So here they are:

Do’s:

1. Bring your own food in case of emergency (aka- every day you care to eat).
2. Hold up peace sign in every picture you take or you will be frowned upon.
3. Understand that no matter how hungry you are, you will see something at any given restaurant that will change that quickly.
4. Always give yourself an hour cushion to travel anywhere—even if it’s across the street.
5. Realize that when everyone in a given area says good morning to you, it’s not because they are friendly, but rather because they want to impress their friends with their fluent English.

Do Not’s:

1. Do not come to China if you are overweight or again, you will be frowned upon.
2. Do not expect much in terms of Fire Codes and Handicap-friendliness.
3. Do not be alarmed if you see a baby defecating next to a statue of Mao Ze Dong. The reason being that babies defecate everywhere and statues of Mao are everywhere—it’s the law of percentages; if babies poop everywhere and there are statues of Mao everywhere, babies much poop near statues of Mao right? Right.
4. Do not expect to be anywhere public with less than 30,000 people staring at your every move. If you’re black, increase that number 10-fold.
5. Do not laugh at someone’s shirt because it has poor grammar; you know that shirt you have at home with Chinese symbols on it? It probably says something along the lines of “I sleep with monkeys.” Seriously.

I hopefully will have more to come. These are the most prevalent for now. But now I shall elaborate a little more.

 Food in China literally means the nearest thing that someone in history has attempted to stomach. A picture in China isn’t a picture without a peace sign (please see below). A dead animal hanging in the window of the restaurant is not uncommon. It takes 4 times as long as expected to get anywhere in this place. Chinese people treat overweight people as though they are African American’s living in Mississippi in the 30’s. Walking into a tunnel with 1,000,000 other people is not considered dangerous, but rather a “light crowd” (please see below). And my personal favorite—everyone wears shirts that could say just about anything as long as it looks relatively English, it’s fashionable.

Yesterday was fun, I was sick most of the day but luckily it was only food poisoning. I am hoping a quarantine official won’t show up anytime soon. I felt better towards the end of the day and went to a Yunan Province style restaurant. It was extremely spicy, not very easy on the stomach, delicious nonetheless.

This morning I woke up around 0700 and went to a Catholic Church called St. Michael’s. It was built in 1901 by a French priest. The mass was entirely in Chinese which was an awesome experience. It seemed in line with the Vatican, but then again, I couldn’t understand much. After Church I decided to check out Tiananmen which I quickly realized was a terrible idea during the Fall Festival because of the ridiculous amount of people everywhere. I can honestly say I don’t think I’ve ever been surrounded by so many people in my life. One of the pictures below shows hordes of people trying to cross the street through a tunnel. A terrorist’s dream! I saw a pretty overweight kid out here and felt really bad for him. People stared at him like he was some sort of anomaly which I guess in China he pretty much is. Of course every child below the age of 15 (exaggeration) has their seam on the butt cut out so they can turn everything from a planter to a watering hole into a toilet. I thought taking a picture of that could be seen as child pornography so I erred on the side of not being imprisoned and decided against it.

Enjoy the pictures, I’ll try to keep them coming!

Michael

Pictures:

1. Token Peace Sign Girl #1

2. Token Peace Sign Girl #2 (Keep in mind, I don't look for these people, they just pop up in random pictures because they are everywhere!)

3. St. Michael's Catholic Church

4. Barbecued Congo Eel with Wikipedia (Sounds delicious)

5. Scorpions anyone? These weren't cooked yet so most were still thrashing about.

6. Way too many people trying to go into a way too small tunnel at Tiananmen.

7. Duck hanging in the window of a delicious restaurant, right next to our table.