Defying Death Abroad: Catching Up and Sharing Wisdom

Yes I am still alive. Blogs are tough; I understand that some people want to know what I’m doing daily and how I’m faring in China, but at the same time, I want to make sure every blog is at least interesting if not all out entertaining. We walk a fine line. One warning I have to throw in here—being in a foreign country that speaks a different language does horrible things to your English. With that said, I can not guarantee my writing will live up to past blogs or even make much sense for that matter.

The past couple weeks have flown by. I’ve been studying just about every day trying to memorize as many characters as humanly possible. MBA and undergraduate classes in business are interesting and I’m also learning a lot in both of those. I love it here but always think about home and family and friends. Luckily, my father and friend, Jeremy Gleason, visited me last week and I was able to show them around and prove to my father that I wasn’t wasting my time or his money and that I am actually learning a little bit of the language! It was a good week and a lot of fun. Now, I’m back to my usual schedule of studying and eating and sleeping. It looks like we will be heading to Hong Kong in order to rectify my visa problems. (I’m only allowed to be in China for 60 days at a time so I have to leave the country and then re-enter in order to avoid imprisonment).

Some observations:

Consider yourself lucky. As most of you know, China is a communist country and therefore limits the freedom its citizens have. One of these freedoms we often take for granted is academic. Let’s see, I’ve changed my major in college three times now as I’m sure so many of you did as well. In China, it’s not that easy. Each student takes a national college exam, similar to the SAT except it holds a lot more weight—in fact, it holds all the weight. Each student also selects three universities in each tier. For example, in America first tier would be Harvard, Stanford, Yale. Second tier would be UCI, Northeastern, etc… Furthermore, you select your top three choices for majors. Now depending on your score, you will either get your top choice school and major or none of them, or a combination of the two. So if I did poorly on my exam, I might be thrown in my third tier school and then given a major that wasn’t even on my top three. Could you imagine? Paying for school to study something you aren’t the least bit interested in? That’s what quite a few students end up doing in China and having to live with it after college. If nothing else, it sure does make you want to ace that national exam! The point I’m trying to make is that seemingly little things aren’t so little. One of my friends here in China wanted to major in law. She did decent on her national exams and she’s pretty darn smart (she got a 730 out of 800 on her GMAT—perspective: the average Harvard Business School student got a 713). But, because the system has it’s quirks, to say the least, she was placed in her second tier schools and given a major that wasn’t even on her list, Telecommunications.

On a less serious note, I’ve been experimenting with new foods over the past couple of weeks and, sadly, the most exciting thing I’ve eaten was pig brains hot pot. Pretty simple, pretty delicious. Just throw the raw pig brains in the hot pot and wait 20 minutes to consume. Sounds good right? Yes! Picture below.

Words of wisdom from someone who has lived her for over a month now. Don’t step on manholes, no matter where you are walking. You never know who put them back on and whether or not they are supported underneath. This is much harder than it sounds. Although I haven’t had any negative experiences with these, I have heard of a couple. Better to be safe than sorry I guess. Next, don’t drink alcohol in China. I’m sure many of you are thinking, “yea right! Like I wouldn’t get wasted at every club in China!” Well, you might get wasted, but it might be the last time you do it with your vision! China is infamous for it’s black market and this includes some high end liquors. Ranging from wine to vodka, it’s almost impossible to tell from the bottle whether or not it’s real. The only thing for sure is that it’s really dangerous. Many black markets search for an expensive item, like alcohol, and try and replicate it on a much cheaper level. Unfortunately, for alcohol, this means using industrial alcohol (sometimes pure ethyl alcohol) and mixing it with something that tastes like the good stuff. Well, needless to say it can kill and even has the potential to blind if you drink too much. Oh how I’d love to throw this wrench into the party scene of friends who drink too much! You think it would reduce the number of alcoholics in America? I say it might not be such a bad idea.

This side note might seem hilarious but keep in mind I nearly had a heart attack when this occurred. Call me naïve, but I was seriously at a loss for words in English, let alone Chinese.

Upon arriving at the spa with my father and Jeremy, with the help of Dr. Lu’s son, Watson, I helped set up full body massages for them both. Of course, me being the confident person I am, I thought I could handle doing it for myself without Watson’s help. Boy I wish I could rewind the hands of time. Unfortunately, the Chinese are a very literal group of people and when you say “full body”, they mean FULL BODY! You might be thinking, ok full body means back, arms, shoulders, neck, legs and maybe feet, but you would be missing one key element. I won’t elaborate. I decided I wanted a full body massage and that’s exactly what I told the manager who found me a bed and a table. What happened five minutes later has scarred me for life and I may not ever be able to recover. In walks a woman wearing a very proper dress, far too proper for a masseuse considering every masseuse wears the same outfit. The manager follows and says “is this ok?” To which I respond in English then Chinese: oh my gosh! No no no no no no no. I want a massage!! Everyone in the room simultaneously gets really embarrassed and the manager apologizes as she leaves to find a masseuse. I did not enjoy the massage.

Final thought: This one is quite random and actually comes about from a practice the Chinese government uses when putting people to death. I find it fascinating. I don’t mean for this to be a platform for my conservative tendencies but I just wanted to share this.

First of all, I don’t believe in the death penalty but if it is legal, why not make it work for the innocent. When sentenced to death in China, the convicted party is simply shot in the head once. To me, that seems like a very quick death lacking any sort of suffering. Effective and probably not considered cruel and unusual punishment. Not to mention, its cost-effectiveness. Here’s where it gets good. Standing by during the execution is a team of highly trained surgeons ready to operate immediately thereafter. These surgeons remove all usable organs from the dead person and then quickly rush them to the hospitals to be used on people who need them. While I understand it would be a very limited number of people that would be helped considering how infrequently we put people to death, but it still seems like a respectable idea. Why inject these people with expensive medicines in an attempt to dull the suffering while destroying their perfectly useful organs when it sometimes doesn’t even work? If we want a death penalty that never fails, I propose following the economical and effective method used by the Chinese. How’s that for communism?

Cheers,

Michael